One Week, Two Friends, One Love Lost
by shoesandjackets
Summary: All characters belong to CP Coulter. This fic is set in CP's Daltonverse.  Julian, after much hassling from Logan, decides to run a blog to get his anger out, but unfortunately, Derek finds out.


**tumblr: astarinhiding**

**Entry 1. – 14/8/2011**  
><em>Logan said I needed to go to a therapist but I said they're bullshitters who just use you by taking your money and breaking your trust. He gave up. So I googled what to do and they said get a blog. Well this is it. I feel like an idiot writing in a book and a computer just seems like a better idea. I still feel like an idiot but whatever.<em>

_Today was hard. Because I'm not at school for the whole semester I have to sit at the back of the class so as not to disrupt Ramsey's seating plan, but that means I have to sit there and watch Logan for the entire lesson. Watch as he writes notes and answers questions correctly and talk to Derek and smile and laugh and be reasonably happy, while I sit here at the back and frown, not write any notes or answer any questions because I just can't think. My mind just clogs up whenever he's in the vicinity and I hate it, I HATE IT._

**Entry 2. – 19/8/2011  
><strong>_Nothing's changed. We had lunch together today. I had half an apple and he had some sort of casserole. I wasn't hungry._

hidethepain started following you

**Entry 3. – 23/8/2011  
><strong>_I think Derek knows. I was in my room, and I saw Logan outside sitting on the bench talking to that Hummel kid. Derek caught me staring out the window singing When A Heart Breaks, the Ben Rector one. In retrospect, that was a really stupid thing to do. I don't know how long he was standing there, all I know that he wasn't there when I closed the door, but I turned around at the end and the door was half open, and he was standing there with this look of pity on his face. I said I was practicing for my new cover album. I don't think he believed me._

**Entry 4. – 26/8/2011  
><strong>_Derek asked me if I was okay today. Well, actually, he threw a ball of paper at my head in class and Ramsey nearly gave me detention for it. The paper just said if I wanted to talk I could, and that he knows something is up, and he would listen without judging. Okay. Well that's nice of him, but whatever. I can't talk about this._

**Entry 4. –1/9/2011  
><strong>_That Hummel kid came and talked to me. He said he knew what I was feeling. He has no clue, NO CLUE. Does he know how it feels to watch someone go through boys like I go through scripts? Does he have any idea how it feels to see the guy that I love, and have loved for three whole years, get his heart broken every day when I see him watch Hummel? Does he even think for a second that I might be in so much pain that I can't eat, or sleep, or THINK, if I think there is any chance that Logan is unhappy? No. No, Hummel doesn't think. He just struts around with both Anderson and Logan looking at him like he's got the world in his hands.  
>Well let me tell you something Hummel. You've got it so easy. From what I understand, Anderson was yours the moment your prissy little toe set foot in Dalton grounds. Wait til you see what it feels like to be me. Hah. I'd like to see you try.<em>

1 note: hidethepain replied: tell him. tell logan.

**Entry 5. – 4/9/2011  
><strong>_I don't know who the hell you think you are, "hidethepain", but you can't tell me how to live my life._

**Entry 6. – 7/9/2011  
><strong>_I just told Logan. I don't know what happened; it just kind of spilled out. One minute he was telling me about something, I don't even remember, it wasn't important. But the next minute, bam, I said the L word. His face, oh God, I don't know what made me say the things I did. I started yelling at him, saying, was he really that stupid, that he couldn't see how I acted around him, how I disappeared every time someone new came into his life, and couldn't he put two and two together? He went so pale, all the __colour__ drained from his face within seconds. He slapped me, and then he left._

_I deserved that._

_Derek, I know hidethepain is you. Come see me. Please. I'll be in my room._

**Entry 7. – 8/9/2011  
><strong>_He can't even look at me anymore. Murdoch asked me to help out with Warblers, to do a warm up because the teachers had a meeting, and as soon as he saw me he just turned around and walked straight out the door. I can't do this. I've ruined it._

_I've packed all my stuff. I'm going. I can't stay here any longer. I'll just find another school. A co-ed school. Or maybe I just won't go back to school at all. Who bloody cares, this life I lead is useless._

_Derek, thank you for talking to me yesterday, but I can't. I can't talk to him. He doesn't see me anymore, he doesn't see Julian. He just sees this guy who has a crush on him. It's fine._

_Logan, if Derek ever shows you this, which I know he will, then I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. Sorry that I couldn't just hide everything away so we could just be friends, sorry that I felt anything in the first place, sorry that I had to let you know. You're a great guy. You'll go far._

_I'm sorry._


End file.
